i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
