Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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