Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
