her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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