I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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