I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
