If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dick very happy bro
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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