So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
