so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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