she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
