just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
