Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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