I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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