Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
