He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
