My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just puked most of my soul out..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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