pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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