I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
