Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
