he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
