I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
