Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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