You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
