Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
