went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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