So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
