How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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