She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Drunk is a universal language darling
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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