Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Your mouth is God's brothel.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
