so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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