before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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