All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't deserve a penis
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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