He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
