We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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