sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
