Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize