that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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