So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i need some magic done to my vagina
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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