Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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