Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
