Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize