I looked at my own cervix.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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