Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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