eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
