Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
