im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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