i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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