She is in my trunk
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
