I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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