She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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