hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
