so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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