My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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