Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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