I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
