I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
