I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
