Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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