Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
