He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
