The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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