i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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