Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
