i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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