I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
50% drunk capacity currently
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
