hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
